hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
