My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
