I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
