I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
