super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
