I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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