what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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