Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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