No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
