giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
