a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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