i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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