she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
