just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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