This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
