sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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