i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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