i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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