so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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