My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
His nipple licking is glorious
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