i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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