Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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