That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
