I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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