I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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