just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
