I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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