Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
