you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
