Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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