who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
