i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
