Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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