there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
