Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
