Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
