I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Its about making memories worth repressing
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
