I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
