girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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