I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
