Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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