We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
