I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
