This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
