I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
