If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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