I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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