something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
