im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
