I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
