Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
