I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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