the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
