Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
