I want to have your abortion
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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