I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
