Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
