Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Is Oprah even human
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
