Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
two words: eviction party
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
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